Yesterday, two men came into the vintage shop I work on a mission to find barstools. As I led them to one set of three stools, I said,
“They’re great, but will need some TLC.”
“TLC?” said one man.
“Yes. Tender loving care,” I replied.
“You mean like the band? The girl group?” said the other guy.
“Oh. No…I just mean…TLC is a phrase.” (How do I explain this?)
“But like the singers, right?” said the first guy.
“I…no…uhh…well, here they are. I’ll let you have a moment to think about them,” I said, and moved quickly back to the front of the store to process what just transpired.
I recently had a doctor’s appointment. After filling out the exorbitant amount of paperwork, I sat in the waiting room for an hour. Finally, the nurse’s assistant called my name and ushered me back to an exam room. Sitting in front of the computer, she went, line by line, over my paperwork.
“So here, you didn’t fill out a state of birth,” she said.
“Oh, because I was born in The Netherlands. I wrote it on the line here,” I pointed.
“Yes, or Holland, I guess.”
“But what’s the state?” she asked, confused.
“Well…uh…there is no state. It’s a country,” I fumbled trying to find the proper explanation.
“But there has to be a state,” she insisted.
“I, uh, The Netherlands is a foreign country. It’s in Europe. Not the United States. Soooo…” I’ve run out of words by this point.
“Is it in California?” she asked.
“Well…I’ll just put Alabama,” she replied, frustrated with my lack of help.
On a walk with my sweet pup two days ago, a passerby stopped me and exclaimed,
“That is a great looking dog!”
“Aw, thanks. She thinks so, too,” I quipped.
“What kind of dog is it?”
“She’s just a mutt.” I didn’t feel like going into my usual schtick of her made up breed name and regaling the man with the story of her crazy birth.
“Oh, so from England?” he asked.
“Um, no…just a mutt.” (What?!)
“She’s from England, right? Mutt?”
“Oh…no…mutt is just a…she’s a mix.”
“Ohhhhh, so from America!” he exclaimed, glad to finally get to the bottom of the case.
“I…yeah…have a great walk!” I replied, and walked the opposite direction as quickly as I could.