I’ve been down on Generation Y for a few years. Shortly after I started working at Emma, my first job out of college, I read an article in Forbes about my dear generation. And they had me pegged. I was a 23-year old who thought she could teach the owner’s of the company a thing or two about…well…anything. I felt entitled to levels of respect, attention, and even seniority that I hadn’t necessarily earned.

Reading that article caused me to take a hard look at myself…and a lot changed. But the pendulum swing sent me over the top. My peers who didn’t work hard, or claimed they were “following a dream,” perplexed me. I couldn’t understand why they weren’t getting their acts together or paying their dues. I felt like our entire generation just stopped using their brains. And don’t get me started on the word “passion.” Every time I heard someone talk about their “passion,” I wanted to start grilling them on how they were actually chasing it…because more often than not…it was all just an idea…with no follow through.

But then I couldn’t deny my desire to pursue acting anymore. And in that process, I had a conversation with my dad that changed my harsh views on Generation Y entirely. We were sitting in a Starbucks in Edmond, Oklahoma over the 4th of July weekend…and he began sharing his heart for things he’d like to do with his life. My father, the career military officer, who is now a high level contractor for one of the biggest companies in the world, wants to spend time overseas. Loving people. Speaking the native languages.

What clicked in that moment, was that maybe Generation Y doesn’t have it all wrong. Maybe we’re just zeroing in on what we really want to do in life a little earlier. So rather than dedicating our 20s through 60s on making money and building our resume, we’ve decided we don’t want to wait for retirement to chase after those heart desires.

Don’t misunderstand me…I don’t think working hard and preparing for your retirement is out-of-date. In fact, I think we could all learn a lot from the work ethic and wisdom from the generations before us. But I also like this generation of men and women who are figuring out ways to chase after their dreams and desires and passions NOW.

Because this is it, guys. We only have this one life. One chance to do whatever it is we are really drawn to. So work HARD. Glean from the wisdom of those older than you. Be SMART. Love people. Don’t invest in relationships where you always walk away feeling badly about yourself. Chase joy. Chase truth. Laugh…and dance…and twirl…and be thankful that you’ve been made just as you are. You’re not anyone else…and no one else is you. Find something you love. Could be anything. Could be taking lunch breaks from your job so you can knit under a tree near your office. Could be finding a way to join the IJM mission. Could be taking pictures…or holding babies…or walking your dog. Whatever it is…work hard at it.

That’s all.

I had my first audition yesterday. Thanks to an angel of a talent manager who is “hip pocket representing” me (which basically means I’m on trial, so I better be good. No pressure there. AT ALL.), I hauled my cookies to Hollywood to audition for two roles in a NBC/Universal web series. And you know? I actually survived. : )

I learned a lot. Like the fact that casting directors or readers will not always give the emotions to help you play off of them. So the acting truly is all on you. Or that if you want to avoid the awkward sitting in a room with all the people you’re auditioning against, get there early and be the first to sign in. Or if you’re auditioning for multiple roles, have your stuff together because there will be *no* time to mentally transition to the next character before you begin reading for it.

Overall, I didn’t do my best. But I didn’t do my worst, either. And the really good news? I don’t think my hives were noticeable on camera. Haaayyyy!

The best part was…when I walking into the audition, a car drove by and sprayed water all. over. me. I was completely water logged from the shins down. So when I walked into the office, my shoes were making that embarrassing sloshing-spongey noise and my jeans were dragging water all over the floor. But I had to laugh. Because it was my first audition. And there I was. Getting my feet wet.

Somewhere in the universe there’s a chorus of dads laughing at that joke.

I’ve completely lost my grace. Seriously. It’s gone. Like the wind.

Apparently something that can happen when you’re depressed is you go through a season of anger. I remember when mine started. And in that season, I stopped caring about making situations less than awkward for people who I felt were mean/rude/uncomfortable.

:: I should note that up until this point, I championed making situations copasetic, no matter who was involved. I loathed awkward moments in conversation, and never wanted people to be at odds with one another. Now…though…now is a different story. ::

For example, if I feel someone is mean, I won’t attempt to find redeeming qualities in them. I won’t try to understand where they’re coming from, or what circumstances could have brought them to being mean. Instead, I make no attempt to carry on conversation, and instead treat them just as I feel they’re treating others. I’m cold, unforgiving, and in no way, shape, or form could care any less.

And I hate that I’ve come to this point. Honestly. My heart is heavy with my arrogant attitude. I don’t want to stress over making every situation shiny and happy, like I did pre-depression, but I also want to be kind to people. To understand them. To be polite. To treat others as I want to be treated. I’m tired of giving people their just desserts. I want to love beyond myself.

Hello, Long Road Ahead. I’m Rachael. Pleased to make your acquaintance. Now then, shall we?

This is a brief attempt at trying to better explain my previous post on me not knowing how to date. Due to the response that post received, and the fact that I’m now receiving offers from multiple life coaches for free sessions to find “the one”, I decided a better explanation was in order.

1 :: I am perfectly content right now as a single gal. I am not wishing, or waiting, for Mr. Right to sweep me off my feet right now. Sure, I wouldn’t mind *at all* if he were around…but he’s not. And that is really. and truly. fine. by. me.

2 :: My post was more about the fact that I don’t know HOW to date. Meaning, I have a hard time just having fun with the whole process. Instead, I feel I pretty much know from the first few interactions if a guy is going to be someone I really want to be around. I don’t consider that a bad thing…but there are times I second guess myself and wonder if I’m so serious that I’m missing out. There are other times I’m simply thankful to be that serious because it saves me a lot of time.

3 :: The final point I was trying to make about me not knowing how to date was that, even armed with all my seriousness and discernment, I’ve managed to pick some not-so-nice guys in the past.

There it is. Hopefully that makes more sense. Eh? Does it? Oh, and in case you’re curious. I have made my final selection on a life coach. ; )

I’ve had a few people reach out and ask how auditions and such were going, so I thought I’d try to synthesize all of my thoughts and experiences here. I’ll also be up front and let you know that a blog like this makes me feel very self-righteous…as though I believe there are people out there who actually care what I’m doing right now. But I suppose that’s the partial reason blogging started, so I won’t make apologies. Ha.

There have been a lot of working (or not so working) actors out here who have given me a lot of advice on what to do and what not to do. And as a total novice to this industry, it’s been a process of figuring out what advice to take and what to leave. Many have said if I don’t feel like staying here for the next 10 years, I should just leave now. Some have told me to start in commercials. Others say soap operas. One told me to hide any indication (online and off) that I’m a Christian or have worked for conservative politicians in the past. It’s been a deluge of good, bad and ugly.

Basically, one of the paths (and probably the most viable) aspiring actors choose to take is this:

- Go to Samuel French Bookstore

- Pick up the Agent Workbook - Commercial

- Submit your headshot to every single commercial agent who needs someone like you

- Get picked up, start auditioning, book some commercials

- Audition for student films

- Eventually get picked up by a theatrical agent once you’ve got some solid credits under your belt

This will probably be what I start chipping away at once I’m back from the holidays (and thank you, Barak Hardley, for helping me with that), but I’m still shooting for the stars. Meaning, I’m willing to hop on ActorsAccess.com every day and submit myself for every possible role (provided a shred of me fits what the casting directors are looking for) if it gives me the experience I need to get a manager and theatrical agent.

I’ve also had incredible opportunities to meet with people on the opposite side of the industry from me. Particularly, one casting director and manager have been *so* kind as to meet with me, introduce me to people and point me in the right direction. Yesterday I had a meeting with a management company. The gentleman took one look at me and told me I need to be playing 18-24 year olds. And then subsequently told me my headshots make me look too pudgy, too ethnic, too old, and too unlike myself. The casting director, whose name is Julie, by the way. I’m going to call her Julie instead. Ahem. Julie told me she believes I should market myself as the girl next door, since almost everyone who looks at me is going to liken me to Katie Holmes in the Joey Potter phase, so I need to beat them to the punch.

So, as of this moment, my plan of attack is to come back from the holidays and get into a great acting class (fingers crossed I’ll get in with Adrian Brody’s acting coach. She’s fantastic, from what I’ve heard.). Then it’s time for new, girl-next-door headshots. Which will lead me to submitting myself on Actor’s Access every single day, and building my iMDB page. Oh, and on that note, I’ll probably be reaching out to you all again to look me up on there once it’s built. People searching for names there increases the person’s “Star Meter Rating” and that’s important, from what I hear. : )

Things are certainly lining up to be encouraging out here, but I’m still firmly planted in reality. Does the help and guidance from these people help? Definitely. Does it secure success? No. I could never book an audition. I could fall on my face and never be able to recover. Heck, for those of you who know me well, I could never stop breaking out in hives during auditions and no casting director would ever want to hire me (unless they’re looking for a leprosy-ridden 18-24 year old). You just never know. There’s a partial science in this industry, but there’s also a level of kismet I have no control over.

But I’m willing to work at it.

For now. : )

I really, really do.

I just found my sweet pup a vet out here in Southern California, and it made me so grateful for the vet I left behind in Nashville.

The Hillsboro Animal Hospital in Nashville, Tennessee has, without a doubt, the best staff in the world. When I took my pup in, I could guarantee the following:

+ She’d be received warmly, and like she was the only animal that existed

+ She’d be weighed and her nails would be trimmed

+ If a stool sample was needed, they’d get one (did you know some clinics require you bring in a sample?)

+ The vet would treat her as though she was his own

+ They’d find a way to keep things affordable

Basically, this is just a short plug to tell you if you live anywhere in Tennessee (or Kentucky, Alabama, or Georgia, for that matter), you must take your sweet pets to Hillsboro Animal Hospital. It’s worth the drive. And your pets will thank you for it.

HAH - I miss you. And so does Dutch.

In the past, I’ve completely avoided blogging about these subjects. Why? Because they seem desperate, or bitter, or even like I’m fishing for compliments. But today, today I’m going for it. Say what you will of my motives…but this is simply an honest assessment of how I’m feeling.

I’m 26 years old. I didn’t really start dating until I was 20. But in the past six years, I’ve had a fair amount of strange experiences. I’ve dated a couple guys who haven’t wanted to hurt me, so they’ve just waited things out till I break up with them. I dated a guy who prophesied over our waitress at a huge restaurant (a prophesy that ended up not coming to fruition). I was given a heads up that one breakup was coming via Twitter. And I was told my standard winter outfit of jeans and a Northface fleece didn’t make me pretty. Ha. And I can honestly say I’m not bitter about these things. Now I look back at them and chuckle (or chortle…even snicker, if you will). But this six year long stretch has made me realize that I simply don’t know how to date.

I don’t know what kind of person to look for. I feel like I know what *not* to look for…but that knowledge hasn’t gotten me very far in the past. So I just feel stuck. Not sure that I’m up for getting into yet another dating relationship (should one present itself).

Now I completely understand all the cliches…and believe them to be true. Every door closes until one stays open, you meet a lot of frogs before you meet your prince, so on and so forth. But in the meantime, how does one figure out just HOW to date. HOW to choose a person that will treat you like a human being, even when things aren’t working out. HOW to know when to keep things light and casual, and when to open yourself up a little bit more.

Sigh.

I know it’s part of the process. But I think I need a life coach for this. So it’s on this year’s Christmas list. Anyone? Dating life coach?

I’m going to get really crazy on this and see if I can express my feelings AND keep a close eye on my grammar and punctuation in this post. I know, I know…it’s nuts…but I think we might just be able to do it.

In short, Los Angeles has simply surprised me. I’ve met some of the most dear, sincere folks out here. People who want to help, and care, and guide. Want a few examples? Okay, okay, twist my arm. ; )

– > Meet Autumn. She lived in Nashville during the time I was there, but I really didn’t know her. My second day in town, she brought over homemade soup and pumpkin spice muffin cakes and helped me put together IKEA furniture. I barely knew her, but she knew moving was overwhelming, so she more than made herself available to me.

– > Meet Julie. She’s the casting agent I met in August, just to ask questions and learn more about this world I was hoping to dive into. She’s an incredibly busy individual, and I was hesitant to reach out to her, since I’m out here as an actress and she’s on a side of the business that could potentially be helpful. (I suppose that’s another blog post on how I feel about networking.) But I knew she had a dog, and I was desperate to find a place to board my pup while I was in New Orleans for a wedding. I texted her and, after reminding her who I was, asked for recommendations. Instead, she told me that she would love to watch Dutch for me, as she knows how overwhelmingly expensive LA can be. (She’s right…the average place to board your dog here is $60 a day. Woof. Literally.) But she accepted Dutch with open arms (and let me cry on her couch for an hour when I dropped the pup off).

– > Meet Ashley and Rick. Two individuals who have invited me out to meet people and have treated me like family. Ashley sent an email out to her group of friends asking them to welcome me to the family, and to keep an ear out for part-time jobs for me. Rick has been asking people he meets if they have any room for me on staff, AND he bought me sushi. Their kindness and hospitality astounds me.

So that’s the nutshell. I could go on. Every day there has been a situation or experience with kindness and truly lovely people.

And I’m happy.

Glad to be alive.

Excited about this time in life. And the future.

Seriously.

Day 10 in LA. And you know what? I’m really happy.

First, to catch my three blog readers up, I ended up going to Scotland. Best decision I ever made. I don’t know that I can begin to express how healing it was.

(Yes. I said healing. Which is dramatic. But it’s also sincere.)

Unbeknownst to me, I changed a lot over the past four years. And not all for the better. Slowly, I became a very insecure girl. I felt like I had to offer people something in order for them to be friends with me. Many of the people I surrounded myself with would get embarrassed of me when I would do something that, for me, was just me being me. Little by little, I found myself being overwhelmingly anxious walking into just about any situation. Like my work, my input, my abilities, my qualities, my everything would be looked down on or unappreciated. I never felt like I was enough. And I also realize that was my issue, and not the fault of the people I was around.

But because I hadn’t even realized what I had become, is the reason why I was so surprised when Scotland proved to be so encouraging. Here’s the abridged reason as to why:

– > Girls in pubs are KIND. They are not threatened by you, as a fellow female, that you will steal their men or attention. They will buy you a round of drinks and strike up conversation with you for no other reason than you’re a human and it’s fun to meet new people.

– > Men and women alike are hospitable. They don’t care about what you do for a living, or what you can do for them, they truly just want to make sure you have a wonderful time in their country. One glorious example…I had met a group of people around my age two nights before I left and Frances, one of the girls, said she wouldn’t let me spend my last night in Edinburgh alone. She she asked me to meet her at her boyfriend’s pub the next night. We met there, then went and picked up a pizza at her favorite take out restaurant, then went back to her flat and watched British reality television and talked about what we want our weddings to be like. I was floored. I couldn’t believe that someone could be so kind AND take the initiative with a complete stranger.

– > The other travelers I met were equally kind. Two guys from Israel were particularly encouraging. And they weren’t working to be…they were just so interested in having genuine conversation with the people they were around. I was baffled at how easily they struck up conversation with other people, and how openly and warmly everyone responded. I feel like I’ve been accustomed to every person you approach treating you as though you’re trying to get something out of them…so this was a huge juxtaposition in my head.

– > It’s just a beautiful country. So…that was nice.

I want to keep going about how the healing has just continued out here in LA…but long blog posts overwhelm me, so we’ll save that for another day. But I just wanted to let you in on a piece of this. Because it’s good. And I had to share. : )

…and you had just left your job, sold your house, and were preparing to move to LA to pursue work in a cutthroat industry…

Would you take a trip to Scotland and Ireland now? Or later?