I’m no expert on love. So I could be off base with this…and I invite any and all long term couples to set me straight. But I’ve been thinking about love vs. *in* love the past day or so, and I’ve come to the conclusion that to be *in* love, you need reciprocation.

I think love can come in many forms. I think we can all practice love…loving others, loving things, etc. But to say, “I’m in love with you” is something deeper. To really be in love, you have a foundation for that love. Part of which includes an opening up of the other person. To be *in* love, you’ve made yourself completely vulnerable, and have been wholly accepted by the person you’re with. And vice versa.

For me to say to a friend (or an acquaintance, or even a stranger), who has never given me the room to let my true self, ugliness, vulnerability and all spill out, “I’m in love with you,” isn’t actually love at all. It may be infatuation…it may even be a form love…but in love? What’s it based on?

I’m not saying every two people who are in a relationship and vulnerable with one other are definitely in love. I’ve seen plenty of self-destructive, self-interested people claim to be in love, and then suddenly be out of love when a bump in the road comes. But I am wondering if we throw a really important term around more so to validate ourselves and our feelings, instead of paying attention to its true meaning.

That’s all. Just thinking. I’m not editing this. I never edit my blogs. I will never get famous from my writing. Ha. : )

Soooo, I’d like to tell you all a little about my life in LA, and what I’m doing to stay afloat as I pursue this dream of acting for a living. And, my hope is, it will be useful to you, and to every person you know.

A few months ago, I signed on as a salesman (woman? person? person of the selling variety?) for Imagination Branding, a promotional product branding company based in Nashville, TN. Promotional branding is the thing you go for when you need your logo or information on any kind of product. Think in terms of pens, mugs, apparel, matchbooks, koozies, stressballs, bags, name badges, the list goes on and on. Seriously. I have 3000 catalogs in my house right now filled with every product under the sun, waiting to be branded. Almost every kind of business has a piece of swag in one form or another.

And while any business takes awhile to get started, being new to this industry things are taking me a little bit longer to get going than I’d like. Which is where I make my very honest plea…let me do your branding. Let me take a stab at some quotes for your company, your non-profit, your restaurant, your firm, your studio, your personal brand as an artist, your salon, your school, your club, your annual party. Anything you want to carry your brand, I would lovelovelove the opportunity to quote you on it.

Even if you’re not in a position to make these kind of decisions, I’d love an introduction to someone on your team who is.

Thanks for your time and help, folks. The four wise men of the Beatles really did say it best when they sang, “I get by with a little help from my friends.” I’m excited about this endeavor, and excited about the thought of it sustaining me while acting.

Check out our site at www.imaginationbranding.com, and shoot me an email if anything comes to mind, rachael.kahne@imaginationbranding.com

Love!

I had dinner with a sweet friend tonight, and she relayed some of the difficulties her younger sister (an 8th grader) was currently dealing with. It made me think of a handful of the hurtful moments I had in middle and high school, and I wanted to share them. On the off chance they might make some of you, or some of your kids, I suppose, feel better.

When I finished 6th grade, I moved from California to Oklahoma. I had (somehow) been accepted into the “popular group” during my last few months in Cali, and I was riding high on my west coast popularity. Until, that is, my “best friends” from 6th grade decided they hated me, and along with tons of horrible letters, they sent me a dead fish. Yes. You read correctly. They wrapped a fish in foil, and mailed it to me. I think I still have all the hate mail in my parents attic. Hoo boy…you should see the words they called me.

I started breaking out (as in, acne) when I was 10 years old. When I moved to Oklahoma, the two “best friends” I made in 7th grade knew I was sensitive to this, and convinced me that using Bath & Body Works Country Apple body lotion on my face would clear up my breakouts. And yes, they knew what they were doing.

Somehow, in the middle of 7th grade, I was lucky enough to become the girlfriend of the coooolest boy in school. We had been ‘going out’ for a week, when I had a sleepover with the two body lotion friends. In the middle of the night, they kicked me out of the room, locked the door, called the cute boy and broke up with him over the phone while I stood in the hallway begging them to stop. (He did not take me back.)

In 8th grade, I found a sweater in TJ Maxx from a high end store at the time. It was currently all the rage…all the cool girls had them. Mine wasn’t the right color scheme as all the other girls, but nevertheless, it was the right style and brand. I wore it once a week, and one day in art class, I told my best friend I wanted to be careful with the paint because I didn’t want to get it on my shirt. She replied, “Why, because that’s the only nice thing you own?”

The list goes on and on…but I write these things to tell you youngsters this: I know it’s not easy. You’re walking through some of the meanest years of your life right now. And no amount of hearing my stories, or your mom and dad’s stories, or anyone’s stories, for that matter, may ease the hurt you feel on a daily basis. But I will say this…I think the kids who struggle the most through those years end up being the best adults. And, hopefully, you’re learning a very important lesson right now on how NOT to treat others. Try simply being consistently kind to everyone you see…resist bitterness…and know that you have a lot of former rejects cheering for you. Me first and foremost.

…you have no choice in life but to wait. To be silent. To listen. To trust. And to surrender.

And it is damn hard.

Wednesday, famed author Donald Miller penned a blog directed towards girls on how to live a great love story. You can read it here. Not being a follower of his blog, I actually read it through the numerous supportive retweets that hit my Twitter feed. And I wanted to like it. I wanted to agree with it. But 24 hours later, I’m still bothered by the lack of grace this sermonette of shame expresses.

Let me start by exposing a part of myself that I made a decision awhile back not to bring up on the world wide web. Not because of embarrassment, but simply because it’s no one’s business. I am a virgin. I’m one of those chaste girls Christian men are supposed to be praying for when they go to sleep at night. The perfect partner and mother to children. I don’t hook up with guys…never have. NiCMO’s (non-committal makeouts) are not in my repertoire. So, from Mr. Miller’s blog…I’ve learned that I am the type of woman that will spend a lot of nights crying myself to sleep out of loneliness, but also have the joy of knowing I’ll always be respected by “the right man” because he’ll know I’ve never had “a slutty period.” And you know, there are hints of that in my life. I get restless every couple of years to meet “the one” and get discouraged that it may not happen. And I do hope that my future husband will feel the weight of what it means that I waited for him to have sex. But if the intent of Mr. Miller’s blog was to encourage women to move in that direction, he failed. Failed miserably.

I’ve had the occasion to meet Mr. Miller here and there, and he’s certainly put on a pedestal within the Christian subculture. Beyond that, his book, Searching for God Knows What, spoke more clearly to me in a time of need and transition than any other book ever had. So I was surprised that in this particular blog post, his six points spoke so much anger, hate and shame. There was no remnant of hope…no grace extended to women who have made mistakes, or even been taken advantage of. It’s a post condemning women, and my heart aches for its readers who were reminded that their past may not make them worthy of a good man’s pursuit.

I know his blog was directed toward a very specific audience of women who maintain the morals the Bible commands, so this response is doing a bit of the same. And I agree…women would be MUCH better off if they could truly grasp the measure of their worth, and wait for a man who is going to honor and respect them. But beyond that, I’d also encourage them to wait for a man who will extend grace and mercy and kindness and love that will mirror what God has given us. I wish I could emblazon that on every woman’s heart (including my own).

Interestingly, I have always dated “good Christian men.” I’ve kept myself above board in all aspects in my relationships with them. But if I’m honest, I have never been treated worse than I have in those relationships. For some reason, whether it be expectations, pressure or nerves, it seems like I leave each relationship feeling ugly, worthless and stupid. One relationship in particular left me feeling like a whore. And I don’t use that term lightly. For more than a year after it ended, I felt like a whore. And would you believe I didn’t even kiss that guy? In the three months we were together, we never even kissed. He believed it was important to wait a year before going down that road. But his words cut me deep, and it took years to repair that wound.

I write this only because Mr. Miller’s blog stirred up some of the same physiological reactions I had in that three month relationship. No matter how “pure” I was…it wasn’t enough. I needed to tone down my personality. I needed to change my humor. I, who doesn’t wear revealing clothing because I don’t want imaginations to run wild, needed to cover up even more. But ladies…please hear this…that isn’t love. That isn’t grace. That isn’t mercy. That isn’t God.

So, I ask that you throw that blog out the window. Sure, chase after the good things, the righteous things, the holy things. And when it comes to love, look for a man who forgives. Who extends grace when it seems like there is none to be offered. Who gives mercy when you’re certain you’re unworthy. And hold yourself to the same standard. Look for opportunities to offer forgiveness, grace, mercy and understanding. THAT is God. THAT is good. And THAT, my sweet friends, is what a great love story is.

But, being that I’m not married, I’d like to close with my brother’s insight. He’s married with a new baby, which I feel merits him to speak a wee bit more on this topic.

“What I found sad about the post is that he puts a “love story” on a pedestal.  He is also speaking from a place of ignorance.  He just got engaged in June and now he is an expert on the marriage relationship.  He labels all girls that have had sex before marriage as having gone through a “slutty” period and that no man can marry her and look at her as his equal.  Utter bull!  I’m not saying virginity isn’t important, but it isn’t a qualification for a great marriage or “love story” as Donald calls it.  We as married men are told to love our wives as Christ loves the Church.  Nowhere do you find Jesus looking at His Church and saying, “I love her, but she went through that slutty period, so I can’t really look at her the same.”  He looks at her as a shining bride in pure white.  He looks at her as the prize.  He doesn’t see who she was or what she’s done (and it was much worse than a slutty period as Donny boy calls it).  Yes, the husband will need to forgive his wife for the things that she has done, but the wife will need to forgive the husband for what he has done as well whether or not that was sexual or something else entirely (which in Donald’s case will probably be self-righteousness).”

Yesterday I was offered a very small (but awesome) speaking role in a feature film. Woo hoo! However, now that role requires that this SAG Eligible actress actually takes the leap and joins the Screen Actors Guild. It’s an important and exciting step, but also an incredibly expensive one (as in, $2500 plus). If you feel like helpin’ a sista out, you can donate to my lil cause by clicking the button below or clicking here.

Thank you, all of you, who suggested I do something like this. I’m *sincerely* humbled by your desire to help me along this road. I don’t know that I can truly express how blessed you’ve made me feel.

Love,

Rach

I’ve wrestled with writing this post for about a year, because I would seemingly be one of the lucky recipients, should people take me seriously. But the more I’m steeped in a community of artists, the more I’ve wanted to put this thought out to churches. So take it for that, and nothing more.

When I was nearing college graduation, with stars in my eyes of becoming a field reporter for CNN international, my dad began to raise some questions with how some churches handle “Graduation Sunday.” For those of you who may not know about this, Graduation Sunday is a time where some churches may have high school and college graduates stand up and say what their plans are next. It’s a nice way for the community as a whole to see what the young folk are up to. But an interesting thing happens in many churches…the young folk who are going into ministry driven fields will also receive financial support from the congregation.

So, my dad struck up a conversation with a missionary he’s supported financially for decades, Bob Osburn. He and Bob both expressed a concern that often times, it’s the young people who are going into fields that shape culture that need the most financial support. Journalists are paid ridiculously low wages, as are entry level positions in the political world. And artists? The singers, songwriters, dancers, actors, writers, sculptors and the like? They don’t make ANYTHING. Instead, they try to find the balance between working a job that will pay bills and finding a way to carve out time for what they genuinely feel called to. And, as I’ve seen over and over, many have had to put the dream aside because there’s no way they can support themselves in the cities they’re in. So, would the world change if the church also took the time to financially support those folks?

I’m asking those of you who find yourselves a part of a church community to locate the culture shapers who may not be working in a prototypical ministry occupation. Find out their needs…and if you’re led…think about lending them your support, too. They will be so, so, so thankful. As will their landlords…and their bellies.

I have two out-of-this-world-absolutely-incredible-servant-hearted folks for friends. And they turned me into a dog person.

Anna and Adrian Santos currently reside in Memphis, Tennessee. Anna is pursuing her JD and Adrian is the incredible wheeler and dealer behind Revolt Marketing. Yesterday, Adrian saw a wee pup on the side of the highway in Memphis curled up against a guardrail. He pulled his truck over and collected the weak, battered, terrified pup and took her straight to the vet.

At the vet, he found out she’s about six months old, was most likely hit by a car, and has a bad case of scarcoptic mange (as you can tell from the pictures). The vet is confident the mange will go away in three months, and with some good care, she’ll pull through.

We have to find a sweet home for this incredible dog. She’s pulled through so much and is still alive. She’ll probably stay with the vet until she’s in good health, but we need to spread the word and get this puppy adopted. Just because she’s in Memphis now doesn’t mean she has to stay there…so help a dog out, will ya? Spread the word. Find this lil one a new home.

I wanted to take a moment to give the biggest shout out to the best class I’m lucky to have been a part of.

This week, the Ramstein Class of 2001 descended upon Las Vegas to reminisce about our glorious days of attending high school in Germany. But I was sincerely walking in with some nerves. Throughout the planning process, I could tell that there were many (myself included) folks still carrying some battle scars from high school. I wasn’t sure how it was all going to work out in Vegas…if there were going to be loads of stubborn, hurt people who would act out in passive aggressive, or maybe even straight up aggressive, manners. And folks, let me tell you. There was no. reason. to worry.

I was amazed at how quickly *everyone* fell into conversation. Everyone was genuinely interested in what everyone else was doing in their lives…there was no marking who was in what group in high school, or who did what to whom…it was just a lovely, fun couple of days with a LOT of laughs.

A huge thank you to everyone who made it out…everyone who put aside what may have happened 10 or 11 years ago and just lived in the fact that we all had a pretty unique high school experience, and let it be fun to have that common thread of the Kino, Riverside, doner plates, Kristkindle markts, and the last few moments of an amazing exchange rate. I love you all…can’t wait to see you again…but I’m not planning another reunion for 10 more years. ; )

I have so many thoughts bubbling up about this topic right now, and not the time to organize them and put them all out…so this will be brief.

I just got off the phone with my oldest brother, Jason, a Major in the United States Army who is currently stationed in Afghanistan. I was thrilled he called, and that I finally would get to talk to someone on the front lines about the implications of Osama’s death. During the conversation, he brought up something that was so painfully accurate:

“People say we’re a nation at war…it’s not true. We’re an army at war. Less than 1% of our nation is carrying this burden. For most people in America, there’s no difference in how their living life now than they were September 10, 2001.”

And you know…I believe that. I believe that because I see proof of it daily. And I’ve certainly seen proof of it with the news that bin Laden has now found his final resting place. And it breaks my heart…for both our soldiers and our nation as a whole. I wish we could all open our eyes…feel the depth of what’s happening in Afghanistan and Iraq. Unite and not simply say, “Oh, well, of *course* I support our troops, but…” but really, truly come along side them and do our part.

It’s why I have had to bite my tongue bloody when people’s responses to Sunday night’s news are things like, “Ehh, it’s whatever. It doesn’t mean much in the grand scheme of things.” or “I’m just glad that it’s going to get Obama re-elected” or “I think he held back on releasing this information so he could get re-elected.” That’s it? That’s all it is to you? The #1 of Al Qaeda has been eliminated. Granted, he’s only one. And now it’s time to find #2, and then #3, and so on and so forth. And yes, Al Qaeda is only one of the five terrorist organizations our armed forces are fighting against in Afghanistan and Iraq. But it certainly deserves more pause than a flippant political remark.

As a final thought…I know it’s a little uncomfortable to approach strangers, but please, if you see a man or woman wearing the uniform of our armed forces, please make a point to say thank you. I implore you.