So this is happiness. Part I.
Day 10 in LA. And you know what? I’m really happy.
First, to catch my three blog readers up, I ended up going to Scotland. Best decision I ever made. I don’t know that I can begin to express how healing it was.
(Yes. I said healing. Which is dramatic. But it’s also sincere.)
Unbeknownst to me, I changed a lot over the past four years. And not all for the better. Slowly, I became a very insecure girl. I felt like I had to offer people something in order for them to be friends with me. Many of the people I surrounded myself with would get embarrassed of me when I would do something that, for me, was just me being me. Little by little, I found myself being overwhelmingly anxious walking into just about any situation. Like my work, my input, my abilities, my qualities, my everything would be looked down on or unappreciated. I never felt like I was enough. And I also realize that was my issue, and not the fault of the people I was around.
But because I hadn’t even realized what I had become, is the reason why I was so surprised when Scotland proved to be so encouraging. Here’s the abridged reason as to why:
– > Girls in pubs are KIND. They are not threatened by you, as a fellow female, that you will steal their men or attention. They will buy you a round of drinks and strike up conversation with you for no other reason than you’re a human and it’s fun to meet new people.
– > Men and women alike are hospitable. They don’t care about what you do for a living, or what you can do for them, they truly just want to make sure you have a wonderful time in their country. One glorious example…I had met a group of people around my age two nights before I left and Frances, one of the girls, said she wouldn’t let me spend my last night in Edinburgh alone. She she asked me to meet her at her boyfriend’s pub the next night. We met there, then went and picked up a pizza at her favorite take out restaurant, then went back to her flat and watched British reality television and talked about what we want our weddings to be like. I was floored. I couldn’t believe that someone could be so kind AND take the initiative with a complete stranger.
– > The other travelers I met were equally kind. Two guys from Israel were particularly encouraging. And they weren’t working to be…they were just so interested in having genuine conversation with the people they were around. I was baffled at how easily they struck up conversation with other people, and how openly and warmly everyone responded. I feel like I’ve been accustomed to every person you approach treating you as though you’re trying to get something out of them…so this was a huge juxtaposition in my head.
– > It’s just a beautiful country. So…that was nice.
I want to keep going about how the healing has just continued out here in LA…but long blog posts overwhelm me, so we’ll save that for another day. But I just wanted to let you in on a piece of this. Because it’s good. And I had to share. : )
I read your blog and I love catching up with you through your words! I am so thrilled that you enjoyed Scotland!!! Woohoo! Sounds like tons of fun!
Amy