I think love can come in many forms. I think we can all practice love…loving others, loving things, etc. But to say, “I’m in love with you” is something deeper. To really be in love, you have a foundation for that love. Part of which includes an opening up of the other person. To be *in* love, you’ve made yourself completely vulnerable, and have been wholly accepted by the person you’re with. And vice versa.

For me to say to a friend (or an acquaintance, or even a stranger), who has never given me the room to let my true self, ugliness, vulnerability and all spill out, “I’m in love with you,” isn’t actually love at all. It may be infatuation…it may even be a form love…but in love? What’s it based on?

I’m not saying every two people who are in a relationship and vulnerable with one other are definitely in love. I’ve seen plenty of self-destructive, self-interested people claim to be in love, and then suddenly be out of love when a bump in the road comes. But I am wondering if we throw a really important term around more so to validate ourselves and our feelings, instead of paying attention to its true meaning.

That’s all. Just thinking. I’m not editing this. I never edit my blogs. I will never get famous from my writing. Ha. : )

When I finished 6th grade, I moved from California to Oklahoma. I had (somehow) been accepted into the “popular group” during my last few months in Cali, and I was riding high on my west coast popularity. Until, that is, my “best friends” from 6th grade decided they hated me, and along with tons of horrible letters, they sent me a dead fish. Yes. You read correctly. They wrapped a fish in foil, and mailed it to me. I think I still have all the hate mail in my parents attic. Hoo boy…you should see the words they called me.

I started breaking out (as in, acne) when I was 10 years old. When I moved to Oklahoma, the two “best friends” I made in 7th grade knew I was sensitive to this, and convinced me that using Bath & Body Works Country Apple body lotion on my face would clear up my breakouts. And yes, they knew what they were doing.

Somehow, in the middle of 7th grade, I was lucky enough to become the girlfriend of the coooolest boy in school. We had been ‘going out’ for a week, when I had a sleepover with the two body lotion friends. In the middle of the night, they kicked me out of the room, locked the door, called the cute boy and broke up with him over the phone while I stood in the hallway begging them to stop. (He did not take me back.)

In 8th grade, I found a sweater in TJ Maxx from a high end store at the time. It was currently all the rage…all the cool girls had them. Mine wasn’t the right color scheme as all the other girls, but nevertheless, it was the right style and brand. I wore it once a week, and one day in art class, I told my best friend I wanted to be careful with the paint because I didn’t want to get it on my shirt. She replied, “Why, because that’s the only nice thing you own?”

The list goes on and on…but I write these things to tell you youngsters this: I know it’s not easy. You’re walking through some of the meanest years of your life right now. And no amount of hearing my stories, or your mom and dad’s stories, or anyone’s stories, for that matter, may ease the hurt you feel on a daily basis. But I will say this…I think the kids who struggle the most through those years end up being the best adults. And, hopefully, you’re learning a very important lesson right now on how NOT to treat others. Try simply being consistently kind to everyone you see…resist bitterness…and know that you have a lot of former rejects cheering for you. Me first and foremost.

And it is damn hard.

When I was nearing college graduation, with stars in my eyes of becoming a field reporter for CNN international, my dad began to raise some questions with how some churches handle “Graduation Sunday.” For those of you who may not know about this, Graduation Sunday is a time where some churches may have high school and college graduates stand up and say what their plans are next. It’s a nice way for the community as a whole to see what the young folk are up to. But an interesting thing happens in many churches…the young folk who are going into ministry driven fields will also receive financial support from the congregation.

So, my dad struck up a conversation with a missionary he’s supported financially for decades, Bob Osburn. He and Bob both expressed a concern that often times, it’s the young people who are going into fields that shape culture that need the most financial support. Journalists are paid ridiculously low wages, as are entry level positions in the political world. And artists? The singers, songwriters, dancers, actors, writers, sculptors and the like? They don’t make ANYTHING. Instead, they try to find the balance between working a job that will pay bills and finding a way to carve out time for what they genuinely feel called to. And, as I’ve seen over and over, many have had to put the dream aside because there’s no way they can support themselves in the cities they’re in. So, would the world change if the church also took the time to financially support those folks?

I’m asking those of you who find yourselves a part of a church community to locate the culture shapers who may not be working in a prototypical ministry occupation. Find out their needs…and if you’re led…think about lending them your support, too. They will be so, so, so thankful. As will their landlords…and their bellies.

This week, the Ramstein Class of 2001 descended upon Las Vegas to reminisce about our glorious days of attending high school in Germany. But I was sincerely walking in with some nerves. Throughout the planning process, I could tell that there were many (myself included) folks still carrying some battle scars from high school. I wasn’t sure how it was all going to work out in Vegas…if there were going to be loads of stubborn, hurt people who would act out in passive aggressive, or maybe even straight up aggressive, manners. And folks, let me tell you. There was no. reason. to worry.

I was amazed at how quickly *everyone* fell into conversation. Everyone was genuinely interested in what everyone else was doing in their lives…there was no marking who was in what group in high school, or who did what to whom…it was just a lovely, fun couple of days with a LOT of laughs.

A huge thank you to everyone who made it out…everyone who put aside what may have happened 10 or 11 years ago and just lived in the fact that we all had a pretty unique high school experience, and let it be fun to have that common thread of the Kino, Riverside, doner plates, Kristkindle markts, and the last few moments of an amazing exchange rate. I love you all…can’t wait to see you again…but I’m not planning another reunion for 10 more years. ; )

I just got off the phone with my oldest brother, Jason, a Major in the United States Army who is currently stationed in Afghanistan. I was thrilled he called, and that I finally would get to talk to someone on the front lines about the implications of Osama’s death. During the conversation, he brought up something that was so painfully accurate:

“People say we’re a nation at war…it’s not true. We’re an army at war. Less than 1% of our nation is carrying this burden. For most people in America, there’s no difference in how their living life now than they were September 10, 2001.”

And you know…I believe that. I believe that because I see proof of it daily. And I’ve certainly seen proof of it with the news that bin Laden has now found his final resting place. And it breaks my heart…for both our soldiers and our nation as a whole. I wish we could all open our eyes…feel the depth of what’s happening in Afghanistan and Iraq. Unite and not simply say, “Oh, well, of *course* I support our troops, but…” but really, truly come along side them and do our part.

It’s why I have had to bite my tongue bloody when people’s responses to Sunday night’s news are things like, “Ehh, it’s whatever. It doesn’t mean much in the grand scheme of things.” or “I’m just glad that it’s going to get Obama re-elected” or “I think he held back on releasing this information so he could get re-elected.” That’s it? That’s all it is to you? The #1 of Al Qaeda has been eliminated. Granted, he’s only one. And now it’s time to find #2, and then #3, and so on and so forth. And yes, Al Qaeda is only one of the five terrorist organizations our armed forces are fighting against in Afghanistan and Iraq. But it certainly deserves more pause than a flippant political remark.

As a final thought…I know it’s a little uncomfortable to approach strangers, but please, if you see a man or woman wearing the uniform of our armed forces, please make a point to say thank you. I implore you.

First and foremost…my parents. I cannot fully express how amazing they are. To have two people who rejoice in your successes, carry you through your trials, and are simply there in the inbetween times…I’m just so humbled to have them. From their support in what I moved here to do…to their gentle (and not-so-gentle) reminders when I’m meandering off course…to even the financial help on the occasion that eating becomes a luxury instead of a necessity…I know, without a shadow of a doubt, I wouldn’t be able to walk this road without them. And to think I’ve never done one thing to deserve it…but they care for me because they love me…because I’m theirs. They are truly an example of love and grace and mercy.

My amazing hair stylist, Sandra “Nina” Buiges. Ha. I know, I know. But she hasn’t just been a “hair stylist”. In the times I’m in her chair, she’s been a voice of reason, a deep well of encouragement, and, simply put, kind. I know it’s bizarre…but I genuinely never expect people to be kind in just about any industry (except for church. then you betta be kind.) Here in LA, because I’m “no one”, I always assumed people in the fashion/beauty industry would speak to me just long enough to get my money and get out of their chair. Not Sandra. She’s always taken time and care with me. And I’m humbled to know her. (Oh…and she gives the BEST haircuts. You should go see her at Fusion Salon 323.804.3120.)

Staci Tobias, ladies and gents. Here is a woman that started out as a friend, and chose simply and without hesitation to help me with my severe back problems. She’s an incredible, licensed masseuse and has never once thought twice about helping to relieve some of the pain I’m living with on a daily basis. She, too, has been a wellspring of encouragement, inclusion and kindness. I am consistently floored by the simple way she loves me and the other people in her life.

The list goes on…but alas, I must depart and get to work. But please….go be kind today. Find people to pour into. It saves their life.

Those words have resonated over and over this week. We’re going through the book of Hosea at Reality LA right now, and my pastor zeroed in on chapter 6:4-6 on Sunday. Verse 4 caught my eye (and heart) over and over…

“Your love is like a morning cloud, like the dew that goes early away.”

In a nutshell, are you all appearance and no substance?

You’ve probably had friends say to you from time in your life, “Well, at least you realize it…” after you confess a thought or action you know needs to be changed or corrected, but you simply haven’t made the steps toward changing it yet. Well…hmm…how do I say this? I feel like that’s a load of crap.

Self-awareness is important. Vital, even. But let’s get with the program, folks. Only being aware and not offering up change is useless, and should end as you grow in maturity. There may be a time in your life where self-awareness can be celebrated and complimented. But if it’s never paired with change…it’s BORING. Useless. Old. And I’d venture a guess that most of the people in your life are o-ver-it.

I was reading through my journals and lost count of how many times I cried out that I want a life marked by love…that I will ravish this world with love. How my hope is that every human being I come into contact with walks away knowing that they are cared for and appreciated, and that there is a purpose in their existence. But then I take an honest look at my life…and can tell you that I take more care in protecting my boundaries and keeping people at arms length than I do letting them know they’re loved.

(Spare me the ‘poor you’ lines, folks. I know that it may not be realistic to love on everyone, and that boundaries are necessary to keep yourself healthy and sane. What I’m saying is I’ve lost the focus. I’ve become all talk. I desperately speak of action and love…but there is no follow through. My words fall flat as good intentions. And who CARES about good intentions if there’s never any action?)

Anyway…this is what I’m mulling over. And now that it’s out there in the world…I suppose I’ll have the accountability of you. I welcome it. As painful as it will be. : )

But here they are. My thoughts. On…dating. Particularly within the Christian culture. Weeeeeee!

A funny thing has happened to me a handful of times throughout the last few years. I’ve been asked to “hang out” with really wonderful guys…and we do. And maybe those hangouts include a meal. Or a movie. And maybe the guy pays. And maybe we laugh a lot. And maybe this happens a lot, for a handful of months. And then maybe it ends. And there I am…left confused as to what in the world just happened. Why I’m not hearing from my kind guy friend anymore.

Well…come to find out…those “hang outs” were feelers. The guy was trying to figure out if he wanted to date me or not. And clearly, by the lack of phone calls, I didn’t make the cut.

So here are my thoughts on that little phenomenon. It’s ever so slightly unfair. Not that it ended…but that we weren’t ever upfront enough to be clear. Without fail, in those situations, I’ve been scratching my head thinking, “Uhhh, I don’t get it. I think we’re just friends…but I kind of feel like he might be interested…but then I think he’s this nice to all the girls in his life…so I don’t know what it is or what we are or aren’t.” Simply put, it’s restricting. I’m just so confused as to what’s happening, I don’t feel the freedom to be myself. If a guy is just clear…if he says, “Hey, I’d like to take you out, would you like to go out with me?” then two folks can go out and be free in just letting it be what it is. A date. Where you’re getting to know each other better.

NOW THEN. I really do understand why some guys might be drawn to this type of “dating”…or…pre-dating, I guess? There seems to be a lot of pressure in the Christian dating circuit. Maybe there’s a rush on the girl’s side to get married. And so maybe the guy starts to feel like he needs to know if he’s going to marry the girl or not before he’s even asked her out. And that stinks. Because it’s not realistic. So, ladies, maybe we need to work to stay calm when we’re asked out. And guys, don’t allow yourselves to get dragged into the subtle manipulation girls can often weave into conversations without realizing it. But do give yourself the freedom to be upfront and call a spade a spade.

Now for the disclaimers…

Clearly, I’m not a dating expert. I’m single. I’ve never had a relationship work out. But I am learning more and more about the process. And I’ll tell you this much…when a man comes up to me and asks me out in a clear way…he may have no clue as to if it’s going to go past one date or fifty…but we’re both able to go out with a clear understanding that there’s a level of interest. I also realize that not ALL Christian men or women date like this. It’s just one consistent experience I’ve had within that particular subculture. And whenever I lose a friend out of the deal, I get bummed over it.

That’s all. I’m not going to even edit this post. I just thought I’d let my emotional vomit find it’s way on my keyboard. ; )

I know Christians…incredibly wise men and women, who truly believe the Bible and what it says and who God says He is. But when it comes to practicing love with true abandon, and seeking out the messy people, or hurting people, or etc etc etc, they fall so short of how Jesus told us to love.

And then I know people who don’t go to church, and maybe don’t have a daily relationship with God, but love more fully than the folks I’m speaking of above.

So…I’m just wondering…who is to say who is and isn’t a follower of Christ? Why do some get to decide whether or not a person is good or right for you (in friendship or otherwise) based only on the idea of whether or not they go to a brick and mortar church?

Things I know and understand…that being a Christian (in part) boils down to who you say God is, and how your life is lived as a result of who you say He is. I know that simply being a good person isn’t the point. I also know hundreds of people who strike the balance between the two types I’ve mentioned above.

Maybe I don’t even really understand what I’m asking…

But I’m mulling. Definitely mulling.