Again, please cue the “You care too much, Rachael. Get a grip.” theme song.

I was walking through Jardines de Retiro, a beautiful park in the middle of Madrid. I happened upon a small lake surrounded by ducks and geese. Not an unusual sight…until I spotted one female duck squaking and quacking as several male ducks held her pinned to the ground. I got closer, and two of the male ducks had their beaks around her neck, holding her tightly to the ground as they, ahem, had their way with her.

I didn’t want to look like the crazy American, by swatting the ducks away…but as more and more Spaniards gathered with looks of horror or sadness on their faces, I thought it was okay to intervene. But even tossing my shopping bag at them and yelling at them to “scram” didn’t stop them. She fought hard…and managed to escape a few times…but they kept getting her back. To the point that she didn’t have many feathers left on her head afterward (the male ducks pulled them out when they were trying to hold her down).

Someone…please…tell me they’re just ducks. And that this is the way it’s been happening for as long as the world has been turning? Por favor?