First and foremost…my parents. I cannot fully express how amazing they are. To have two people who rejoice in your successes, carry you through your trials, and are simply there in the inbetween times…I’m just so humbled to have them. From their support in what I moved here to do…to their gentle (and not-so-gentle) reminders when I’m meandering off course…to even the financial help on the occasion that eating becomes a luxury instead of a necessity…I know, without a shadow of a doubt, I wouldn’t be able to walk this road without them. And to think I’ve never done one thing to deserve it…but they care for me because they love me…because I’m theirs. They are truly an example of love and grace and mercy.

My amazing hair stylist, Sandra “Nina” Buiges. Ha. I know, I know. But she hasn’t just been a “hair stylist”. In the times I’m in her chair, she’s been a voice of reason, a deep well of encouragement, and, simply put, kind. I know it’s bizarre…but I genuinely never expect people to be kind in just about any industry (except for church. then you betta be kind.) Here in LA, because I’m “no one”, I always assumed people in the fashion/beauty industry would speak to me just long enough to get my money and get out of their chair. Not Sandra. She’s always taken time and care with me. And I’m humbled to know her. (Oh…and she gives the BEST haircuts. You should go see her at Fusion Salon 323.804.3120.)

Staci Tobias, ladies and gents. Here is a woman that started out as a friend, and chose simply and without hesitation to help me with my severe back problems. She’s an incredible, licensed masseuse and has never once thought twice about helping to relieve some of the pain I’m living with on a daily basis. She, too, has been a wellspring of encouragement, inclusion and kindness. I am consistently floored by the simple way she loves me and the other people in her life.

The list goes on…but alas, I must depart and get to work. But please….go be kind today. Find people to pour into. It saves their life.

I’m 27. Incredibly young. A whole life ahead of me. So take these words with a 27 year old grain of salt. I could change my tune completely in two years. But after the handful of relationships I’ve been in (and out of), I feel like I’ve learned a bit about how to be respectful of the other person when ending things.

If you’ve only been dating a few months, all you have to say is this:

“I’m sorry. My feelings have changed. I don’t know why. But they have. And staying with you longer is keeping you from the person you’re supposed to be with.” (and thank you, Paul Padgett, for the inspiration and thoughts behind that last sentiment.)

But that’s it. Period. Keep things simple. There’s no need to harp on every point of the other’s personality that drove you crazy or stifled you. Just firmly, and kindly, let them know that your feelings have changed.

If you’ve been dating longer than a few months, like a year or more, you have more ground to say why you feel like the relationship needs to end. But you can still do this without pointing the finger in an exhausting blame game.

Never. ever. ever. EVER say this, or any variation of it:

“You’re more into this relationship than I am.”

Well, DUH. You’re breaking it off. That statement does nothing but negate the entire relationship, and leave the dumpee feeling really misunderstood and foolish, with no recourse. So zip it, folks. You can do the deed without pouring salt into that open wound.

I just want to relieve the world of feeling like the ending of a relationship has to be big and drawn out. All you need to do is give the same respect to the other person during the breakup as you did in the relationship. It doesn’t have to be awkward, or uncomfortable. Will it be? Probably. But keep the focus on being KIND, rather than being right. Either way, you’re coming out of the conversation single. You might as well do it with your head held high. (And if you’re not coming out of a break up convo single, there are forms available at your local police precinct. They’re called restraining orders. Never underestimate the message a restraining order will send.)

And finally…as you’re wrapping things up…please don’t say, “You’re an incredible person.” It’s not the time. It seems trite. If you want to get across the point later that they’re so incredible, carrier pigeon it over. But telling someone you’re dumping that they’re incredible is a little like saying, “I’m sorry, BUT…” No one believes an apology that has a “but” after it.

I know this is all so subjective. Relationships are messy. They probably will never not be messy. I just really want there to be some way for all of us to realize how much weight our words have on others.

So. Be Kind. Rewind. : )