First and foremost…my parents. I cannot fully express how amazing they are. To have two people who rejoice in your successes, carry you through your trials, and are simply there in the inbetween times…I’m just so humbled to have them. From their support in what I moved here to do…to their gentle (and not-so-gentle) reminders when I’m meandering off course…to even the financial help on the occasion that eating becomes a luxury instead of a necessity…I know, without a shadow of a doubt, I wouldn’t be able to walk this road without them. And to think I’ve never done one thing to deserve it…but they care for me because they love me…because I’m theirs. They are truly an example of love and grace and mercy.

My amazing hair stylist, Sandra “Nina” Buiges. Ha. I know, I know. But she hasn’t just been a “hair stylist”. In the times I’m in her chair, she’s been a voice of reason, a deep well of encouragement, and, simply put, kind. I know it’s bizarre…but I genuinely never expect people to be kind in just about any industry (except for church. then you betta be kind.) Here in LA, because I’m “no one”, I always assumed people in the fashion/beauty industry would speak to me just long enough to get my money and get out of their chair. Not Sandra. She’s always taken time and care with me. And I’m humbled to know her. (Oh…and she gives the BEST haircuts. You should go see her at Fusion Salon 323.804.3120.)

Staci Tobias, ladies and gents. Here is a woman that started out as a friend, and chose simply and without hesitation to help me with my severe back problems. She’s an incredible, licensed masseuse and has never once thought twice about helping to relieve some of the pain I’m living with on a daily basis. She, too, has been a wellspring of encouragement, inclusion and kindness. I am consistently floored by the simple way she loves me and the other people in her life.

The list goes on…but alas, I must depart and get to work. But please….go be kind today. Find people to pour into. It saves their life.

Well, Carly got engaged yesterday to one of the coolest guys I know. Everyone who knows the two of them are busting at the seams out of excitement, because they’re truly one of those couples that compliment each other perfectly. But her engagement has made me think back through the course of their relationship, and I’m just so inspired by her. By her love and independence and dependence and honesty and patience.

Carly didn’t change who she was throughout the course of her relationship with Kurt (and c’mon, folks…all of you know there’s a time when you want to put on a different face in a relationship). She recognized in herself when there were points where she was tempted to, and made firm decisions to stop that immediately. She allowed herself to be vulnerable with Kurt, instead of wanting to put on her “big girl panties” and prove that she was an independent woman. She loved him well through the hard times every relationship has. And her patience…oh how her patience humbled me. During a recent conversation, she said, “You know…years from now…this won’t feel like a long time. This will seem like a really short period. So I just remind myself of that.” I love that, because it reminds me of the big rush I’m always in to get to whatever finish line I’d like at the moment. She made the decision to enjoy her moments with Kurt…just as they were…without the pressure to make them more this or less that.

All relationships are different…because all people are different. But the testimony I have seen in Carly, and through her relationship with Kurt, has inspired me to change areas of my life. All of which are exciting to me.

Congratulations again, Carly Rae and Kurt. I’m SO excited to watch your lives continue to unfold together. Weeeeeeeeee!

He was more than a grandpa. He took an active role in my life. In all his grandchildren’s lives. We were educated on history and geography and science and the arts when we were with him. I was 10 years old when he realized, horrified, I didn’t have every waterway to a country of my choice memorized. I was 12 when he attempted to teach me how I could always tell which way was north without a compass. He taught me how to eat politely at dinner parties. He taught me how to ask questions. He taught me how to put together a kite, and how to catch a fish.

He was tough as nails, but was so acutely aware of what was happening around him. He truly sought out opportunities to serve. He served in three wars as a pilot for B-17s and C-130s. When he was in Vietnam, he spearheaded a campaign to build a well in the Negative Barrio, which is where non-contagious lepers lived. He was generous with his time, money, resources and talents. I’ve never known anyone his equal.

I came to see him two months ago. He wasn’t doing too well, and I was crying as I was saying goodbye. He looked at me and said, “Why are you crying?” I told him it was because I was going to miss him. He looked at me, eyes tearing up a little, and said, “Miss me? I didn’t know you were aiming for me.” Then he laughed and wiggled his nose, like he always did when he wanted to make us kids laugh.

So…to David Solomon Kahne…thank you. Thank you for working so tirelessly to help shape me into the person I am. Thank you for your love. I can sincerely, and honestly, say I wouldn’t be who I am without your care. I couldn’t ask for a better grandfather.

Honestly, I was afraid to go. The wounds I felt during my time there seemed even larger after I left, and I was afraid that I might be pulled back into the same old ways of thinking. But it couldn’t have been more opposite. The people I saw were such deep comforts. Such reminders of life and joy and true friendship. Which is GREAT.

I just didn’t expect it to make me so lonely now. You know…the palpable loneliness that sits on your chest and doesn’t completely allow you to sleep well at night?

So. If you have the time. Take a moment. Look at the people around you. The ones that care for you. The ones that you care for. The ones you take time for you. Initiate with you. Love you. Challenge you. And hug them. Tell them you love them. And find ways to show them you care.

And to Sonnie.Annie.Sara.Christina.Kathrine.Jan.Emilie.Carly.Joey.Paul.Brandon.Andy.Matt: I love you guys. I’m thankful for you. I cannot believe how blessed I am to know you. How much I’ve learned from each one of you. How you’ve enriched my life. My mom once told me that the friends I made in Nashville would be my friends for the rest of my life. She meant that about you guys. (No pressure…but seriously…I’m ready to get matching tattoos if you are.)

Oh, and Kathrine? That list of folks was written in no particular order. : )

Apparently something that can happen when you’re depressed is you go through a season of anger. I remember when mine started. And in that season, I stopped caring about making situations less than awkward for people who I felt were mean/rude/uncomfortable.

:: I should note that up until this point, I championed making situations copasetic, no matter who was involved. I loathed awkward moments in conversation, and never wanted people to be at odds with one another. Now…though…now is a different story. ::

For example, if I feel someone is mean, I won’t attempt to find redeeming qualities in them. I won’t try to understand where they’re coming from, or what circumstances could have brought them to being mean. Instead, I make no attempt to carry on conversation, and instead treat them just as I feel they’re treating others. I’m cold, unforgiving, and in no way, shape, or form could care any less.

And I hate that I’ve come to this point. Honestly. My heart is heavy with my arrogant attitude. I don’t want to stress over making every situation shiny and happy, like I did pre-depression, but I also want to be kind to people. To understand them. To be polite. To treat others as I want to be treated. I’m tired of giving people their just desserts. I want to love beyond myself.

Hello, Long Road Ahead. I’m Rachael. Pleased to make your acquaintance. Now then, shall we?

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

You have to choose to live in reality. Fight to live in reality : Katherine Falk

Be kind. [lived out by Andrew Smith]

Those are all really sweet and wonderful things, and they could be part of a beautiful story one day. But right now, they’re just things : Brooke Murphy Rosolino

Be honest. [lived out by Amanda Rose Daly]

Are you prepared to war against that tendency in yourself? : Justin Rosolino

Love people. [lived out by Ashley Vandeberghe]

Marry someone who repents : Craig Brown

Bring truth to light. Always bring truth to light. Don’t allow room for the shadows. [lived out by Melanie Smith]

Doesn’t it always go back to the Gospel? : Jim Hitch

Believe your worth. [lived out by Kelly Donehey]

Bust your [butt] for whatever is in front of you : Marcus Whitney

Don’t have thin skin and a hard heart. Have thick skin and a soft heart. [lived out by Carly Manning]

Fight to stay above the laziness : Chris Rice

…and because I was reminded of it this week…

…I give you my favorite speech from a movie…

“There’s not an ounce of excitement, not a… whisper of a thrill. And this relationship has all the passion of a pair of titmice. I want you to get swept away out there. I want you to levitate. I want you to…sing with rapture and dance like a dervish. Yeah. Be deliriously happy, or at least leave yourself open to be.

I know it’s a cornball thing.  But love is passion, obsession, someone you can’t live without. I say, fall head over heels. Find someone you can love like crazy and who will love you the same way back. How do you find him? Well, you forget your head, and you listen to your heart. And I’m not hearing any heart. ‘Cause the truth is, honey, there’s no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love, well, you haven’t lived a life at all.

But you have to try, ’cause if you haven’t tried, you haven’t lived.”

- William Parrish, Meet Joe Black.

a lot of people i talk to have been hurt by “nashville”. a lot of people are frustrated…sad…confused. almost all are insecure. aannd, i’m one of them.

but if so many feel this way…then it has to be changeable.

i believe that one person has to be able to love another so well simply because they’re a human and that makes them worthy of love. if one person can give another the freedom to simply be who they are because they are, and that person does the same for another…

then “nashville” can change.

i want to be on that team.