While I think that the handful of folks that check out this blog on occasion are either related to me or live in Nashville, I thought I’d go out on a limb and ask any and all of you to PLEASE take a look at what happened to Middle Tennessee this past weekend. They’re in a water conservation emergency. Shelters are at capacity. People are missing loved ones. And many of our historical landmarks have been ruined by floodwaters.

Please, please, please. I beg you. Take a moment and visit Hands On Nashville’s webpage to donate $10 to Nashville Flood Relief. That’s equivalent to 3 tall skinny vanilla lattes from Starbucks. And let’s be honest…they’re just not as good as they used to be. So let’s help save one of our nation’s incredible cities. Let’s repair some homes, hearts, businesses and water treatment facilities. It’s only $10.

Flooding video and pictures

Keith Olberman on the Nashville flood

I visited Nashville last week. Last minute trip…went out there with an LA friend who was leading a casting director’s workshop at my old acting school. And it was the most redeeming trip *ever*.

Honestly, I was afraid to go. The wounds I felt during my time there seemed even larger after I left, and I was afraid that I might be pulled back into the same old ways of thinking. But it couldn’t have been more opposite. The people I saw were such deep comforts. Such reminders of life and joy and true friendship. Which is GREAT.

I just didn’t expect it to make me so lonely now. You know…the palpable loneliness that sits on your chest and doesn’t completely allow you to sleep well at night?

So. If you have the time. Take a moment. Look at the people around you. The ones that care for you. The ones that you care for. The ones you take time for you. Initiate with you. Love you. Challenge you. And hug them. Tell them you love them. And find ways to show them you care.

And to Sonnie.Annie.Sara.Christina.Kathrine.Jan.Emilie.Carly.Joey.Paul.Brandon.Andy.Matt: I love you guys. I’m thankful for you. I cannot believe how blessed I am to know you. How much I’ve learned from each one of you. How you’ve enriched my life. My mom once told me that the friends I made in Nashville would be my friends for the rest of my life. She meant that about you guys. (No pressure…but seriously…I’m ready to get matching tattoos if you are.)

Oh, and Kathrine? That list of folks was written in no particular order. : )

…I had an older, established actor to mentor me. And tell me if I should jump in or let some opportunities pass on by.

…I knew what I was going to be like down the road. What my convictions were going to be…what my views and thoughts would be.

…I could focus more.

…someone else could be the adult.

…my bangs didn’t have a cowlick right where they part.

…I wouldn’t get so many headaches.

…more people liked to video chat.

…chocolate was free and available on every street corner.

…I understood people more.

…that I would be understood more.

…men and women could get along, without being weird.

…my skin would clear up.

…I wouldn’t break out in hives during auditions.

Sometimes I wish…

…words would come to me more freely. And I could write a press release without reaching down to play with my dog instead.

Soooooo…I got a role. : )

It’s tiny. And it’s in a web series. But it’s a NBC/Universal web series. And I’m playing the personal assistant to the lead. Who happens to be AnnaLynne McCord. And I’m only in one episode. But it’s a start. It’s my first job out here. And I’m excited. I shoot April 6th…so if I had a Flip Camera, I would document every part of it imaginable. But I don’t. So I’ll just write about it when it’s all said and done.

I also had the opportunity to go and read for casting director Lindsey Kroeger yesterday. She’s casting a film and needed someone to read the lines with the actors while she taped the auditions. And guys. I learned SO. MUCH. And also sweat a lot. Especially when Illeana Douglas walked upstairs and I had to read with her. Or when Joe Egender came in and made me believe that he really did have a crush on me (the script called for some relational tension). But every actor was so prepared…so on their game…so professional. I cannot express the inspiration they provided. The opportunity made me incredibly happy to be here…and I’m more excited than ever to hone this skill. Weeee!

In other news…all I’ve been able to think about lately is what the Christian life is really supposed to look like. That maybe Matthew 25:34 really sums it up. Feed the hungry. Care for the homeless. Clothe the naked. Care for the sick. Visit the imprisoned. Simple. Straight-forward. But ohhh, how I complicate things. I just wonder how our world would change…if this was the verse that was lived out daily. And the rest of life was just details. Exquisite details. Details that allow us to work hard, have fun, enjoy our families and friends. Learn and teach and listen and encourage and love, love, love, love. I want that. I want that for this world. Truly.

I’ve been thinking about the grander things I’d like to do in life, and thought it would be a good thing to put on a blog. I think Annie Downs, or maybe Skip Hopkins said if you put it out there for people to see, it would help you actually accomplish it. So, thanks, Annie and/or Skip. I’m halfway dedicating this post to you, and halfway to the actual subject matter. ; )

At first I toyed with the idea of a full on Bucket List post…but figured everyone has the same overall hopes. To visit every country in the world. To climb Kilimanjaro. To help end poverty. To be asked by Brad Pitt to adopt a baby from a foreign country of his choice…after he asks you to marry him. ::Sigh:: But, since we all have those on our overarching list, I thought I’d focus on the smaller, more detailed items. Thus, it’s my lunch pail list.

1 :: To be in 3 feature films. Or maybe 8. Okay…okay…I draw the line at 29. Maybe.

2 :: To relearn Hebrew. And actually use it this time.*

3 :: To work with the International Justice Mission in opening and maintaining safe houses for victims of sex trafficking and slavery.

4 :: To live in Scotland. For at *least* 6 months.

5 :: To watch the sun rise and set over the Egyptian pyramids.

That’s the lunch pail. If you want to help me get there…I’d love to let you.

*If you happen to have the Rosetta Stone for Hebrew…I’ll be happy to take it off your hands for a short time. At no charge. : )

I’m bitter.

It’s an incredibly ugly part of me. Something I don’t admit to in conversation. Something I try to cover up for the most part. But I believe in order for there to be healing, things must be brought to light. (And it’s 2010, so how *else* would you bring something to light other than on a blog?? Heh.)

Over the past few years, I’ve managed to get hurt. A lot. Sometimes for good reason, sometimes for silly reason, sometimes for no reason at all. But I’ve kept track of every slighting I’ve received. I’ve remembered the people and places and circumstances that have caused me to cry, or become angry, retreat within myself, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And each time something new has come up, it’s compounded everything else in my heart. I’ve become something I never wanted to be. I have thin skin and a hard heart. For a lot of my relationships, I’ve created a no win situation for people. People cannot win with me. I set them up for failure. And I truly…truly…truly hate it.

It’s part of why I’m taking a 40 day break from Facebook. Status updates, pictures, comments going back and forth in the mini feed…so many things just added to this admittedly unrealistic pile of hurt. So for the remaining 29 days (and beyond), I’m working to surrender the bitterness. And God is being faithful.

I’ve been going over the story of Joseph…and I’m simply amazed that he didn’t seem to get bitter. Here’s a man whose own BROTHERS sold him into slavery because they hated him that much. Then he had a life with moments of extreme favor, then extreme punishment, and he ended up being placed in a position of power over all of Egypt by the Pharaoh himself. And when a famine occurred, Joseph’s brothers came to Egypt to buy grain and met with their long lost brother, who they had assumed was dead. And what did Joseph say to his brothers? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. So do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones.” Thus he comforted them and spoke kindly to them. (you can read the full account in Genesis 37-50)

That’s it. He didn’t put them in their place. He didn’t use his power to punish them. He didn’t ignore them. He wasn’t passive aggressive. He spoke KINDLY to them. He took care of them.

That is my desire. To live in freedom and love deeply. To set aside my expectations of people and relationships and draw strength and wisdom from the One who created me. I want to forgive and seek forgiveness from those I’ve hurt, and have hurt me. And I want to live as though Heaven is here and now.

Want another story of forgiveness? Read Corrie ten Boom’s story. It’s short and humbling.

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As an aside, just in case there are people out there giving me a hard time for posting this on Facebook, don’t fret. My blog automatically imports into ye olde FB. So I’m not breaking any rules. : ) You can read the original entry here.

Step 1 :: Take the hour before to stress about what you’re going to WEAR to the audition, rather than brushing up on your sides.

Step 2 :: Begin to drive to your audition 10 minutes later than you wanted to because you simply weren’t sure of the outfit.

Step 3 :: Get around the block, and realize you don’t have the address as to where your audition is. Pull over, and search your phone for the email from the casting director.

Step 4 :: Gasp when you realize there are TWO sides attached to the email…when you only have ONE prepared.

Step 5 :: Careen back home and rush into the house to print off the second side…where you then learn more about the character and have to change. For the 8th time.

Step 6 :: Gasp again as you’re reading through the second side, and realize not only do you have to scream in the audition, but you have to bawl your eyes out, too. (I look forward to the day this is not a problem. But as it stands right now, I’m still new to this, so it’s going to take me longer than 15 minutes to dig deep and find those emotions.)

Step 7 :: Walk into the audition and immediately break out in hives, realizing that you’re about to cry for these folks based on a script you saw for the first time 15 minutes ago.

Step 8 :: Realize you’ve been defeated when they ask you instead, after the audition, to do a cold read for the ‘best friend.’

And that, my friends, is how it’s done. But I’m thankful for this — I laughed the whole way home. Maybe you think that’s me not taking this seriously, but I think it means I’m much more prepared for this world *now* than I would have been a few years ago. So thanks, real world experience, Emma, Nashville and life, for toughening me up so I can see the humor in days like today.

I’ve gone and done it.

One of the top five things I was nervous about in coming to Los Angeles was the idea of becoming really self-focused. Not only because the industry I coming out here for is notoriously self-serving…but also because the city in general lends itself to being the same way. With all the billboards and fame and good-lookingness and blah blah blah.

Weellllllllll. I did it. I got swept up in all the excess. And while I was complaining to one of my roommates about why – basically – people didn’t act like I wanted them to, she opened her mouth…and humbled me.

She said it was probably a condition of me needing everything to be about me, and putting myself before others.

And she’s right. So, so right.

It would have been one thing if she and I weren’t friends…or if there was an assumption of intimacy…but this girl has taken the time to get to know me, has been kind and encouraging from the start. So hearing this truth from her caused me to step back and take the time to evaluate.

Embarrassing? Yes. But I’m so. so. so glad to have someone in my life willing to be that up front…and speak the truth in love. And I hope that all of you have, or find, one person to be that kindly honest in your lives.

Now then, to tackle the rest of the issue. Blergh.

I’ve been down on Generation Y for a few years. Shortly after I started working at Emma, my first job out of college, I read an article in Forbes about my dear generation. And they had me pegged. I was a 23-year old who thought she could teach the owner’s of the company a thing or two about…well…anything. I felt entitled to levels of respect, attention, and even seniority that I hadn’t necessarily earned.

Reading that article caused me to take a hard look at myself…and a lot changed. But the pendulum swing sent me over the top. My peers who didn’t work hard, or claimed they were “following a dream,” perplexed me. I couldn’t understand why they weren’t getting their acts together or paying their dues. I felt like our entire generation just stopped using their brains. And don’t get me started on the word “passion.” Every time I heard someone talk about their “passion,” I wanted to start grilling them on how they were actually chasing it…because more often than not…it was all just an idea…with no follow through.

But then I couldn’t deny my desire to pursue acting anymore. And in that process, I had a conversation with my dad that changed my harsh views on Generation Y entirely. We were sitting in a Starbucks in Edmond, Oklahoma over the 4th of July weekend…and he began sharing his heart for things he’d like to do with his life. My father, the career military officer, who is now a high level contractor for one of the biggest companies in the world, wants to spend time overseas. Loving people. Speaking the native languages.

What clicked in that moment, was that maybe Generation Y doesn’t have it all wrong. Maybe we’re just zeroing in on what we really want to do in life a little earlier. So rather than dedicating our 20s through 60s on making money and building our resume, we’ve decided we don’t want to wait for retirement to chase after those heart desires.

Don’t misunderstand me…I don’t think working hard and preparing for your retirement is out-of-date. In fact, I think we could all learn a lot from the work ethic and wisdom from the generations before us. But I also like this generation of men and women who are figuring out ways to chase after their dreams and desires and passions NOW.

Because this is it, guys. We only have this one life. One chance to do whatever it is we are really drawn to. So work HARD. Glean from the wisdom of those older than you. Be SMART. Love people. Don’t invest in relationships where you always walk away feeling badly about yourself. Chase joy. Chase truth. Laugh…and dance…and twirl…and be thankful that you’ve been made just as you are. You’re not anyone else…and no one else is you. Find something you love. Could be anything. Could be taking lunch breaks from your job so you can knit under a tree near your office. Could be finding a way to join the IJM mission. Could be taking pictures…or holding babies…or walking your dog. Whatever it is…work hard at it.

That’s all.

I had my first audition yesterday. Thanks to an angel of a talent manager who is “hip pocket representing” me (which basically means I’m on trial, so I better be good. No pressure there. AT ALL.), I hauled my cookies to Hollywood to audition for two roles in a NBC/Universal web series. And you know? I actually survived. : )

I learned a lot. Like the fact that casting directors or readers will not always give the emotions to help you play off of them. So the acting truly is all on you. Or that if you want to avoid the awkward sitting in a room with all the people you’re auditioning against, get there early and be the first to sign in. Or if you’re auditioning for multiple roles, have your stuff together because there will be *no* time to mentally transition to the next character before you begin reading for it.

Overall, I didn’t do my best. But I didn’t do my worst, either. And the really good news? I don’t think my hives were noticeable on camera. Haaayyyy!

The best part was…when I walking into the audition, a car drove by and sprayed water all. over. me. I was completely water logged from the shins down. So when I walked into the office, my shoes were making that embarrassing sloshing-spongey noise and my jeans were dragging water all over the floor. But I had to laugh. Because it was my first audition. And there I was. Getting my feet wet.

Somewhere in the universe there’s a chorus of dads laughing at that joke.